Sunday, June 12, 2011

I Bought a New TOASTER !

You may ask, what does buying a new toaster have to do with having sex with strangers?  I was thinking the same thing.  Then again, what does sharing pics of your bare chest and erect penis on social medias have to with being a congressman?  Really?  Absolutely nothing! :)  Yet, we must hear Anthony Weiner's story and you undoubtedly will read what I have to say about my new toaster. :)


In life, we often times do not look into the variables of buying some thing until we need that certain some thing.  For example, if you own a car, it goes with out saying that your car has a transmission.  You may know nothing about how much it would cost to rebuild your cars transmission, until the one unfateful day when your transmission slips or totally fails.  THEN you will research what it will cost to repair your tranny. 

The great news, no, I am not referring to John 3:16, but I am referring to the fact that new toasters cost less than new transmissions do.  My toaster needs are simple.  A two slot toaster that can toast a slice or two of bread.  My previous one, the one that died, had a stainless steel exterior.  I glanced at my dead toaster and where it sat on my kitchen counter and determined that I could get away with a white colored replacement toaster if no stainless steel one was available.  I knew toasters were inexpensive.  I was figuring that it might set me back ten bucks or so, but what the hell, even if it was 15, how often do ya buy a toaster and we all can appreciate what the little doohickey  does.

Faith!  No, we are not returning to John 3:16 and if you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move mountains, but what I am referring to is this>>>  If you have not shopped for a toaster lately, let me tell you one quite big way that new toasters are different from older toasters.  Stay with me on this, this is really important!!!!

I was in my local Walmart, in the isle that displays toasters.  Here is some thing that I notice with EVERY display model.  Know how on your old faithful toaster, you put a slice or two of bread in it and then push the lever down, it clicks or latches and does not pop up till the bread is toasted?  Well, new toasters DO NOT latch down any more!!!!

So where does the faith come into play, you may ask?  I asked a Walmart sales girl, excuse me Miss, do you know about toasters?  Not really she said.  I thanked her any way and expressed that I was perplexed that none of these toasters STAY DOWN when you push the lever down.

I then pondered, maybe if I insert my hand in the toaster, faking like it is a slice of bread, that will trick the toaster into staying down when you push the lever down.  To no avail, that did not work.

I pondered, what the hell good is buying a toaster, if the bread does not stay in the down toasting position?  The good news is that my new toaster only costs $6.24.  Yes, six dollars and 24 cents.  It is made via Rival, the company that your typically buy can openers from.  So, I faithfully took this toaster box off the shelf and placed it into my shopping cart.

The kid at the check out counter made some small talk with me stating that he purchased the same toaster and it works really well.  I asked him about how the lever doesn't stay down.  He mentioned that when it is plugged in it does.

So, I get home, plug my new toaster in, put two slices of bread in it, push the lever down and thank you Jesus, the lever stays down and my bread toasts.

I glance at the toast as it is toasting and I fear it might burn, so I pull the plug from the electric outlet and low and behold, my toasted toast pops up.

Since you may have not bought a new toaster recently and I obviously have, please allow me to share with you some quite noteworthy toaster tidbits. #1 a new toaster is quite a bit lighter in weight than toasters from quite a few years back.  The exterior of mine is plastic, with the inner workings, stainless steel.  #2.  A new toaster grabs and gently squeezes your bread when it goes to the down position.  #3.  A new toaster does NOT stay in the down position unless it is plugged in.  #4 A new toaster is less $$$ than ones from years gone by.  Kinda like computers I guess.  They are less $$$ now than say 10 years ago.

Maybe it's just me, but I think my old toaster toasted the bread faster.  What the hell though, my old toaster died and I needed a new one.  Since a new one is only $6.24, it is not like I will be shopping around for a used older one unless some one has one in pristine condition for like a buck. :)

Thank you for listening to my true toaster story.  Hoping that the biggest problem that you have in your life is no greater than a toaster.  Then again, if your toaster catches fire and burns your house down, that is a greater effect than simply snapping a pic of your chest and private parts.(unless those pics go on line and the world knows about them)

May your sex or thoughts of sex, be hot and your toaster, toasty. :)

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